If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome. ~ Michael Jordan
Some of the worse things you can do for yourself in life is to prove your critics right or your cheerleaders wrong. The third thing on that list, though, is to live trying to prove anything to anyone. The right formula is to expect the best of yourself – based on the realization of the talents and gifts given to you. Develop them, fine tune them, OWN them…expect excellence of yourself – not as measured by anyone else’s standards – but according to your on peace and happiness. Not settling, EVER, for a lesser form or performance of yourself. If your cheerleaders are happy and your critics sad…GREAT, but it’s just a bonus.
A sure fire way to manage disappointment is to manage your expectations. Back that up with deliberate positive actions…you have a proven path to excel successfully. My own life observation is that there are way too many people that put heavy expectations on others and not enough expectation of themselves. Here’s a short list of expectation Don’ts…ways to lower your expectations…to help you move past disappointment to triumph:
- Never expect anyone to Love you that doesn’t show love for them self. Do you know someone that seems hungry for companionship, attention, or praise. Their conversation always includes I…me…or my, and every conversation seems to come back to a discussion about them. They have a list of bad relationships (family, friend, and romantic) and need others to validate them. Or the person that doesn’t have the love for self to seek their own dreams and aspirations. This person will never love you. Not as you deserve to be love. Over investing in them is sure disappointment because something will always be missing…generally, the love that you need. Love must first be fully manifest in yourself. Someone that loves what they do, who they are, and appreciates their contributions in the world without “taking” from others is someone that LOVES them self. Lower your expectations here – otherwise you lose spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally.
- Never expect anyone to Respect you that doesn’t respect them self. Yes, it’s tied, but separate in that – in a convoluted world of twisted self love – many people have adapted and accepted low standards driven by laziness or money as a substitute for love. What they have lost is self respect. EVERYONE that has compromised them self morally, physically, and spiritually has lost respect for them self…no matter what they believe. They often have to ‘fade’ their minds to cope with the lost of respect but bring themselves comfort with their possessions. Fact is, if they’ve lost that part of them self, they will only envy your self-respect and find ways to attack it as unnecessary values. You know, “yeah, you stay broke – I’m gonna get that money”. Fact is, they often wish they could go back but can’t find the courage to find they way ‘home’. If you see self destructive people, lower your expectation of what they can do with or for you. If they help you, they will usually also hold it over your head as proof that you’re “not better than are…”
- Never expect anyone to invest in your Vision more, or even as much as you. Your vision has the word YOUR for a reason…based on your talents, interests, and abilities…you have a dream. Wake up and make it a reality. Let go of the IF, SHOULD, and WISHES and put a plan into motion. But on the list of things that you should do…starting today…don’t include the expectation that anyone, not family or friends…will do it with you – or even help you. It’s not THEIR vision. Some of them may even become distractors, doubters, or “don’t doers” because they don’t believe it’s possible OR because they don’t believe that YOU can do it. Lower your expectation of them…no one is responsible for your dream but YOU. If you don’t reach your goal, don’t let it be for lack of trying or because no one helped you. There is no way that you can HONESTLY reach for the moon and not land at minimum among the stars. Don’t fool your self with false attempts or blaming others for success and fails. Own your destiny. Take ownership of why the bad occurs and the especially the good. Avoid decisions and people that result in fails and embrace those that promote positive moves. But no matter what – OWN YOUR OWN VISION.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Invictus BY WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY